aqilah musfirah
"The girl in the mirror wasn't who I wanted to be
and her life wasn't the one I wanted to have"

Proud to be a mariner.
I don't make promises that I can't keep.

[view my profile]

Friday, May 28, 2010

Of KML, Avril & Confession

First of all, YAY!!!!!!! I'M HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been away for 3 weeks and it feels like 3 years, especially during the first week. Orientation week. We were tortured! Grrrr!!! Malas maw cerita. Yg penting budak2 kml batch 2010/2011 memang kena seksa! Huh! Kalaw la saya ada ambil gmbr. Hish!

Okay okay, it's okay. It's over. We are now living as normal students. Or at least close to normal.

My desk. Meja org rajin. Itu la x kemas tu (konon) :PPP

So that's what my dorm looks like. Seperti kata pensayarah2 KML, hostel bukan hotel. LOL. Even though at first I expected it to be a bit like hotel, but now I realized HOSTEL does not equal HOTEL =.="

Roommate and me. Her name's Eekin. X la kamcing, but we get along well. Hahaha.

Batch kami ne is actually kind of lucky. KIND OF. Probably because we don't have much water problems (Alhamdulillahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!). Everyday mesti ada air. Cuma kadang2 putus for a few hours la. Other than that, nothing else makes us any luckier than the past batch.

However, kami masih takut kalau tiba2 teda air. So, semua org mesti standby at least satu baldi air. Just in case mahhh.. I keep two. Haha. Roommate angkat air baldi full pergi bilik bukan main kuat, saya angkat baldi air half full ja pun sudah separuh mati =.="
Aqilah oh Aqilah... Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!

Hmm.. Apa lagi ahh.. Oh right. We have only 3 subjek teras for Science streams and 4 for accounts students.  To me, so far so good. Bio & Chem lebih kurang macam SPM level jg, only harder. And Math, harder than normal math, but easier than Additional Math. Belum ada lagi yang bikin stress sgt2. Tapi bukanlah maw cakap saya ok sda. So-so la. Bwat soalan maths ada juga sampai kening jadi macam monobrow. Lol. But when I try, try and try, usually dapat solve juga. Thank God.

Okidokie! That's all lah! Malas ody this. Here are some more pictures:

That's Laila from S'wak. One of my closest tutorial mates. The other one is Fatin. Also org S'wak but she went to school at Sabah for 5 years at Ranau so she knows how to speak Dusun much much better than me =.= Malunya aku. Lol. But I have no pictures of her right now. Lol. Tiada mood bha kami maw ss sana ne =.="

The meows! Heheh! Byk meow sana! Gumuk2 lagi! I am one of those who always feed them even though it's forbidden. Lol! Dear God, please please please don't let any of them die. At least not now and not in front of me.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I am currently addicted to:

Avril Lavigne - Anything but Ordinary

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby
Sometimes I drive so fast
Just to feel the danger
I wanna scream
It makes me feel alive

Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

To walk within the lines
Would make my life so boring
I want to know that I
Have been to the extreme
So knock me off my feet
Come on now give it to me
Anything to make me feel alive

Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.

Let down your defences
Use no common sense
If you look you will see
that this world is a beautiful
accident, turbulent, succulent
opulent permanent, no way
I wanna taste it
Don't wanna waste it away

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby

Is it enough?
Is it enough?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

Is it enough?
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.

p.s. Somehow I think this song is soooo me T_________T

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Confession #24: Many times than I can remember, I know exactly what's goin' to happen to me, but instead of running away, I stay. Just to see if the story really ends that way. And as a result, I'm damaged. I feel sorry for myself about that. And also for refusing to put the blame on anyone. Like Chris Daughtry said, 'I should've started running long, long time ago'. Yes, I really should. But it's too late now, for that. Now all I can do is to learn from my mistakes. I'll do that.

I have another confession. But it seems like this one can't be described by words. Maybe next time.


At terminal nw. Nasib da free wifi. Ble lepas geram. Hish!

Sy x puas ati bha ne. My mum nvr listen 2 me. C'm0n la, u're nt owez rite bha. She came 2 labuan with n0 ticket 2 go bak 2 kk. I ody buy mine since 2 wiks ago n she just simply refund and get rm10 less than the actual price. Nw everybody's ody on their way back 2 kk. N im stuck here.

Im standing here al0ne with the musics full vol 0n. Im using earph0nes, of course. Or else i'll look weirder. I look weird en0ugh n0w, thank u vry much.

Met mizan n saif jz nw. Hope they x n0tice =.=

Sigh. 0nly God kn0ws hw I feel nw.

Whatevs. I withdrew rm70 out of my rm250 all0wance few minutes ago. G0nna do s0me shopping nw. Cuz shopping makes me happy n I wanna run away fr0m these people who sm0ke. I cant stand people sm0king around me. Hish! Apa la dorg dpt dr merokok 2. X fhm aku. I probably smell like cigar nw.

Damn. Later!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

I miss everything.

The more I want to forget, the more I will remember about it. Seriously, when can I really get a life?

I'm homesick. But will do my very best here.


Sunday, May 9, 2010

I'm leeeeaaaaving, never lookin' back again~~~

It's almost 1.00 a.m. and I'm supposed to wake up before 5.00 a.m.. But I'm reluctant to sleep. Pedulilah mata macam burung hantu bsuk. Saya ada concealer ajaib juga -.-

Just finished packing. Wish me luck for KML, aite? :)

I checked  Form 6 intake result just for fun and guess what?
I didn't get in! HAHAHAHA!!!! Omg Mom should really see this :PPPPP

Confession #18: I did at least ONE crazy thing(s) before I leave.

Confession #19: I'm done with  going other people's way. From now on, it's going to be MY way 'cuz it's my life. So what if other people are disappointed because of me?? They let me down me a bazillion times before.

Confession #20: I'm pathetic. Get over it, already.

Confession #21: I'm devastated because I got KML instead of UPU foundation. I wanted (and still want to, if  only I could) a new environment, which includes total strangers. Who know exactly nothing about me. So that I could feel NEW. Or pretend to be, at least. There will be loads of people whom I know  would be at KML. When I'm stuck with them, I'll be automatically reminded of my pasts. Which will then result in me wishing for a brainwash machine, or a time machine. Well, on the bright side, I don't have to try to fit in so hard. Although I wouldn't mind trying if I was going to someplace else other than KML. AND my BFF would be there =] (minus Epal ;(((( ).

Confession #22: I wish I could throw those stuffs away. Why am I so soft-hearted?

Confession #23: I WILL make myself believe anything to reduce the damage I've done to myself.

Ok, I should really go to bed now. Will be on hiatus, now, I guess???

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Chapitre 4

Well well well! If it's not the second entry of mine for today! 
I just have this some sort of... feelings. It's indescribable. Really, maybe it's about my suspicions, my indecisiveness, or maybe it's just because I think too much. Dunno, but I DO care, I can't NOT to, 'cuz it's killing me.

I always think that maybe I am 'a risk taker' in some ways. 
Which equals 'an idiot'.
I didn't think hard enough what's going to happen to me. How that attitude will destroy me.
I just never seemed to care. 
It's always been 'other people first'.
But does anyone ever thought of that on my behalf? I don't think so.
But no one should be blame on that. It's my own fault.
Have you ever forgive somebody who did u so wrong so many times you couldn't help crying yourself to sleep for God knows how many nights, just like that???!!
Have you ever kept quiet when somebody cursed and rant and say some shit (either right in front of u or at your back) about you when it's not true at all and do nothing???
Have you ever let loose of someone who deliberately hurt you too many times before so easily??? And then let them hurt you once more???
And lots lots more...
I did those things. Those stupid things. Why the HELL did I always feel sorry for other people, especially the ones who don't even deserve it?? Why???
Now the damage is done. I'm falling down to pieces. Heck, does anyone even care???

Maybe I should stop being like this.
Maybe I should be selfish.
Maybe I should just act like a hard-face bitch.
What, you think I haven't tried?
I'm not like that and will never be. 
I don't wanna change. But at the same time, my heart tells me that I really should.
Just so that I can toughen up a little. (Well, on the outside, at least)
I don't wanna get hurt again.
I'll always be careful from now on.
Shoot, I was stupid! I was so,so,so, stupid.
Stupid is not the right word. It should be much much worse.

Confession #14: I smell something fishy. Nobody is what they seem. Nobody is what they want you to think they are. And if you believe them, then you are blind. I'll believe nothing anymore.

Confession #15: Never again will I repeat the same stupid mistake. I won't forget to look before I fall anymore. Because I am worth it.

Confession #16: I always feel sorry for jerks. I can't even hate jerks. Jerks. Silly me. I CAN be mad at them, but hate? No.

Confession #17: I never thought the walls I've built all this time around me were still not enough to keep me from falling apart. I guess I just have to build more and more walls.

"Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now"

So guess what?

I got UPU but it's a diploma program. Well, I guess it's official, then. KML. Here. I. Comeeeeee....
self-monologue: Don't be like that, Qila. At least you won't be going for Form 6. Isn't that good enough???

This was a poll about further studies. Why the hell do people love diploma so much??? It takes 3 years, you know??!!

So! Shall we go shop for my stuffs now??

* * * * * * * *

Two days ago was Epal's sweet 18. Malas maw bwat long post ne so.. Nah!:
Just in case you forgot her name. It's April JOY.

Nah EWAN! kami jumpa ne di KAMDAR 1B! hahaha XD

Last but not least,
Finally -.-
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