aqilah musfirah
"The girl in the mirror wasn't who I wanted to be
and her life wasn't the one I wanted to have"

Proud to be a mariner.
I don't make promises that I can't keep.

[view my profile]

Friday, December 26, 2014


I should be home right now.
But I'm not. I wanted to and I could be there, but I chose not to.

This is not me opening up about the story of my life.
Nor is this some sort of confessions (Wait. Is there any difference, at all?).
In fact, I don't even KNOW what this is,

It's not like I have no one to talk to.
I do, I have people who actually CARE for me.
But of all the things I am, "selfish" and "self-centered" are not one of them.
No matter how much they care for me, I'd NEVER want to be an extra baggage to them when they could barely handle their own.

Plus talking about reality (MY reality) makes me feel weak.
In fact,blogging about this has already made me feel 1000000000 times weaker.
And I hate feeling weak (Who doesn't?). 

Just posting about this makes me feel like I'm betraying myself.
Once upon a time, I promise to share happy stuff and only happy stuff on this blog. 
So I deleted most of the depressing past entries. 
Sad posts don't really go well with the decorations of this cute, pinkish blog, anyway.
Guess that didn't work out.
(OMG I feel like an attention-seeking over-reacting very-brokenhearted dumb, immature, infatuated girl who'd just got dumped by her jerk boyfriend and thinks that it's the end of her life, I SO friggin' hate myself right now)

Living in denial will have to make do, for now.

P.S. You DID NOT read this (Compulsion *as seen on The Vampire Diaries, a TV show which only gets stupider with time and only aims to please the DELENA fanbase nowadays*)

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Monday, February 24, 2014

The Bright Side

There are a lot of things that people do not know about me. I rarely talk about myself. I prefer not to, because I know most people would not believe the WHOLE story, anyway. I mean, I'm not trying to say that my life is worse than those living in the war-zone. Or that I'm homeless. All I can say is, my life is toooooo further away from what you can classify as "a normal life".

I do, however, tell a few chapters of my story to several people whom I think deserve to know, and are undoubtedly to be trusted. Alhamdulillah, I know that Allah still cares about me when He sent these few incredibly understanding friends and relatives to me. Words are insufficient to describe how thankful I am to have known such generous and helpful individuals. Some of them do not even know one bit of my story, yet they are still so generous to give a helping hand when I needed one.

Sometimes I ask myself, "How can I ever repay them for their kindness?" They may have no idea how much of an impact their actions have on me. Words can't even begin to describe how much I appreciate what they have done for me, whether they realize it or not. One thing's for sure, I'd never forget them and they will always be in my prayers. That is the only way I can repay them, for now. To pray for them so they'd be rewarded a blessed and happy life in this world as well as the Hereafter (Amin). Because honestly, that's what they truly deserve.

P.S. I'm not even certain if all of them are going to stumble upon this entry. Or maybe some of them did, but didn't know that he/she is one of the person who give me strength when I'm falling apart. But know this, it's YOU. And I thank you for being there for me, for being a part of my life, even if it's may or may not be temporary.

Some of them. Couldn't find pictures of the rests, but you know who you are :)

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