Is it okay?

Old friend

Dear friend,

If you ever cared about me at all,

then I won't ask for much.

Will you just spare some time to pray for me so that everything will be alright?

Dear "family", 

Thank you for showing me that blood doesn't always equal to family.

Family has to be earned.

Family don't turn their backs on family when they need you the most.

Dear God,

They say that You won't let someone face hardships for more than one could take.

But sometimes, I just wonder.

Why do You believe in us so much? 

I am not strong enough for this.

No one is. And no one will be.

I am grateful for many things, but why?

Why can't You test me like You do with most people?

I keep asking myself "What did I ever do to deserve such fate?"

Why us? Why ME?

Dear you,

You can say whatever you want about me,

but note that I will not let that affect me, in any way.

Because, the truth is, I know you won't last a day in my shoes.

"Why is she like that?",

"She asked for it",

"Why do you choose to live like that?"...

Trust me, I've heard enough. 

My question to you is:

What makes you think I have a choice?

Dear me,

You've been through enough.

You are so tired of everything , that no matter how much you sleep and rest, you'll still be so exhausted. 

Why? 

It's because.. it was your mind that's tired.

I'm sorry. I've tried almost everything, yet the problem is still there.

Hang in there. I hope better things are coming your way soon.

Chain Reaction

I don't want to leave,
but I have to.
I have to.

But... where am I going to go?

Sure, there's that two-year teaching/PGDE program that sounds rather promising,

but... to be honest, I'm not so certain if I am really up for it anymore.

I already have a LOT on my plate.

Am I really that tough to endure extra responsibilities in life?

Ones that I cannot ever screw up?

Because this thing, it's like a chain reaction.

If I did good, InshaAllah good things will happen.

Otherwise, someone else's future might be affected,

and NOT in a good way.

I joined that thing in hopes that with what I have (or DON'T have),

I can actually make a positive impact on the lives of others.

I mean, yeah, just because yours suck,

it doesn't mean you can't fight for others to get the life they truly deserve, right?

I don't know, it just seems too risky, right now.

Nevertheless, staying is not option.

Or at least I don't think that it is.

Not right now.

So now we're back to square one.

Where am I going to go?

Where am I going in life?